08 April 2008

106.9 FM KSTLK – All stalk radio, all the stalking time!

It has been a woeful wiki week for our Beloved Wikipedia. My bannings, performed by well-entrenched Wikipedia Review trolls, would have been enough to dishearten many. Adding insult to injury, Privatemusings took it upon himself to start his own stalk radio station, which he used to characterize raving and psychotic trolls as sane, logical, and rational. I am here to break the story that the uploaded podcast is a complete fraud.

This blog post was delayed due to exceptional investigations I have been doing. I think you will appreciate this, and it will be an eye opener into what makes the trolls tick. The podcast uploaded to commons is troll trickery; the recording is highly edited and voices of seemingly sane individuals were dubbed in. However, first allow me to explain neutrally the nauseas circumstances that started this stalk radio station.

The official story is that Privatemusings, a bizarre and perverse platypus partisan, offered the trolls a pulpit to shout their troll memes, smears, and incoherent rants. They accepted, and Wikipedia Review members Somey, Moulton, thekohser, and Wordb*mb showed up with their lascivious and loony rants—all at the encouragement of the troll and stalker enabling Privatemusings. This masturbatory troll exercise was uploaded to Commons and made available on Wikipedia, which caused courageous captains of the Wiki to question the following:

1. Does this violate the blocking policy?
2. Is this proxying for banned users?
3. Did Somey purchase his mic at Troll-Mart or something? Get a new mic, troll!
4. Dear G-d, when will JzG, Phil Sandifer, and an obvious sockpuppet who somehow has OTRS access step in to save us from these schizophrenic swine?
Thank Jimbo that the answer to number four was “not very long”. What can only be described as a formerly-Great-Wikipedian-that-was-probably-ran-off-by-paid-stalkers arrived on the scene to nominate this wiki blasphemy for deletion.

I made my feelings about this very clear, only to have it removed by distasteful and disguised trolls. Bravely speaking up on the matter earned me a ban, but some great heroes kept up the good fight in the face of a numerically superior enemy and argued for its deletion.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, the trolls showed up in force and persuaded a Great Wiki Protector to abandon his or her principles. Big surprise. The real story here is that I have uncovered the actual recording of this stalk radio program; had Decent Wikipedians been able to hear this actual audio, the MfD result would have been much different.

The bunco artist Privatemusings did indeed do an interview with stalkers and trolls, but the audio he uploaded is not genuine. No stalker or troll from Wikipedia Review can speak in complete sentences and not shout four letter words wildly. This flimflammer tossed the original recording and replaced it with a handcrafted propaganda piece, replacing troll voices with the voices of paid actors. I know what you are thinking. “Wiki Defender, how did you know this recording was a blatant bamboozlement?” Well amigo, after years of dealing with paid trolls and stalkers that will break into your house and hide all your underwear just for kicks, I have developed a few gut instincts. Long story short, I knew for a fact that the frivolous and flagrant fiend Privatemusings was pulling a fast one. Luckily, after some investigation and adventure, I have tracked down the actual recording.

I phoned and emailed every under cover agent that we have in the field to track down the original recording. Coming up fruitless, I decided to switch tactics and found a troll that needed a favor—an unbanning. In exchange for a “good word” from me (which is invaluable), this troll promised to fork over the goods and we arranged for a meeting.

We planned to converge at a New Jersey diner. I was a bit nervous, knowing that not only would I have to look a troll in the eye, but I would also have to inhale his reeking troll stench. Nevertheless, I knew it was for the greater good and pressed on. I put my dog, DONGO (named in honor of MONGO), in the backseat of my Volkswagen and started the eight-hour drive, my trusty cluestick beside me for protection (Mind you, I was more than willing to mercilessly whack the crap out of this troll with my savage slaying cluestick, if need be).

I smelled the troll about a mile away before finally arriving at my destination. He stood
next to a beat up El Camino, nervously chain-smoking Chesterfield cigarettes. He had a wild look in his eyes; it was nearly inhuman. His pants were crusted with a strange whitish substance, similar to this. He wore a vomit, grease, and sweat stained t-shirt that read “hooter inspector”. This is just what I expected a misogynistic and crazed troll to look like.

His eyes darted around, in fear that one of his deplorable associates had followed him and would prevent his perfidious two-faced act. He mumbled something about how he wanted to edit Horseland again and handed the recording off. I nodded my head and told him he was doing the right thing. Just as I said this, Daniel Brandt and a horde of hooligans pulled up, all crammed inside of a Volkswagen mini-bus that looked eerily like the mystery machine. The libelous lawbreaker Brandt and his band of banned blackmailers started hurling water balloons as hard as they could from the minibus, directing their fire at the indictable troll that they caught red-handed. The disgraced troublemaker dove into his El Camino, painstakingly trying to get it into first gear. I, fearing for my own safety, jumped in my vehicle and drove away. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a hideous half-bat half-man creature that I guessed to be Somey. He was aiming a super soaker full of urine at his former stalking and harassment compatriot. Thankfully, I did not stick around for the aftermath, but I guarantee that the traitorous troll was eventually soaked from head to toe in putrid stalker urine.

I got the recording home and listened; what I heard was shameful, sickening, and stupefying. In a meandering and illogical rant, the Wicked Wordb*mb postulates on how the Blessed Virgin and The Good Shepherd made first contact with an alien civilization and authored their reliable sources, original research and attribution policies, which ensures that their POV is pushed on unsuspecting alien races all over the universe. Thekohser belligerently describes how telepathic sheriffs and homosexual assassins (and telepathic homosexuals) had teamed up to write a conflict of interest policy to doom his treacherous "editing for money" idea for good. Somey just growled and frothed at the mouth like the demon he is, and Moulton rambled about parallel universes, Atlantis, and how he used to fight trans-dimensional aliens at MIT.

Now, you too can hear what real trolls sound like.

Listen to their animalistic growling, lunatic ranting, maniacal laughter, and their torture victims screaming for mercy in the background! Wiki violence begets wiki violence and the uploading of this Great Deceit was the first step for Wikipedia to head into full blown Satan worship, where stalkers and trolls are given respect and a pulpit to spread their diseased rants and froth at the mouth as they shout their disgusting desires!

The recording you are about to hear was not tampered with in any way by me, other than editing it down for time. Suggesting that this recording was edited with corny and low quality sounds from bad horror movies will not be tolerated; anyone stating this is a troll per WP:DUCK. You will be asked to refactor.

Listen and peer into the darkened soul of the average Wikipedia Review member.

If you dare.

Defending the wiki and uncovering The Truth,

The Wiki Defender

Please use headphones to listen. The sounds of these macabre monsters could send pets or the elderly into fits of insanity. Be aware that the satanic Somey uses foul language at the end, so listening at work is not advised.