08 April 2008

106.9 FM KSTLK – All stalk radio, all the stalking time!

It has been a woeful wiki week for our Beloved Wikipedia. My bannings, performed by well-entrenched Wikipedia Review trolls, would have been enough to dishearten many. Adding insult to injury, Privatemusings took it upon himself to start his own stalk radio station, which he used to characterize raving and psychotic trolls as sane, logical, and rational. I am here to break the story that the uploaded podcast is a complete fraud.

This blog post was delayed due to exceptional investigations I have been doing. I think you will appreciate this, and it will be an eye opener into what makes the trolls tick. The podcast uploaded to commons is troll trickery; the recording is highly edited and voices of seemingly sane individuals were dubbed in. However, first allow me to explain neutrally the nauseas circumstances that started this stalk radio station.

The official story is that Privatemusings, a bizarre and perverse platypus partisan, offered the trolls a pulpit to shout their troll memes, smears, and incoherent rants. They accepted, and Wikipedia Review members Somey, Moulton, thekohser, and Wordb*mb showed up with their lascivious and loony rants—all at the encouragement of the troll and stalker enabling Privatemusings. This masturbatory troll exercise was uploaded to Commons and made available on Wikipedia, which caused courageous captains of the Wiki to question the following:

1. Does this violate the blocking policy?
2. Is this proxying for banned users?
3. Did Somey purchase his mic at Troll-Mart or something? Get a new mic, troll!
4. Dear G-d, when will JzG, Phil Sandifer, and an obvious sockpuppet who somehow has OTRS access step in to save us from these schizophrenic swine?
Thank Jimbo that the answer to number four was “not very long”. What can only be described as a formerly-Great-Wikipedian-that-was-probably-ran-off-by-paid-stalkers arrived on the scene to nominate this wiki blasphemy for deletion.

I made my feelings about this very clear, only to have it removed by distasteful and disguised trolls. Bravely speaking up on the matter earned me a ban, but some great heroes kept up the good fight in the face of a numerically superior enemy and argued for its deletion.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, the trolls showed up in force and persuaded a Great Wiki Protector to abandon his or her principles. Big surprise. The real story here is that I have uncovered the actual recording of this stalk radio program; had Decent Wikipedians been able to hear this actual audio, the MfD result would have been much different.

The bunco artist Privatemusings did indeed do an interview with stalkers and trolls, but the audio he uploaded is not genuine. No stalker or troll from Wikipedia Review can speak in complete sentences and not shout four letter words wildly. This flimflammer tossed the original recording and replaced it with a handcrafted propaganda piece, replacing troll voices with the voices of paid actors. I know what you are thinking. “Wiki Defender, how did you know this recording was a blatant bamboozlement?” Well amigo, after years of dealing with paid trolls and stalkers that will break into your house and hide all your underwear just for kicks, I have developed a few gut instincts. Long story short, I knew for a fact that the frivolous and flagrant fiend Privatemusings was pulling a fast one. Luckily, after some investigation and adventure, I have tracked down the actual recording.

I phoned and emailed every under cover agent that we have in the field to track down the original recording. Coming up fruitless, I decided to switch tactics and found a troll that needed a favor—an unbanning. In exchange for a “good word” from me (which is invaluable), this troll promised to fork over the goods and we arranged for a meeting.

We planned to converge at a New Jersey diner. I was a bit nervous, knowing that not only would I have to look a troll in the eye, but I would also have to inhale his reeking troll stench. Nevertheless, I knew it was for the greater good and pressed on. I put my dog, DONGO (named in honor of MONGO), in the backseat of my Volkswagen and started the eight-hour drive, my trusty cluestick beside me for protection (Mind you, I was more than willing to mercilessly whack the crap out of this troll with my savage slaying cluestick, if need be).

I smelled the troll about a mile away before finally arriving at my destination. He stood
next to a beat up El Camino, nervously chain-smoking Chesterfield cigarettes. He had a wild look in his eyes; it was nearly inhuman. His pants were crusted with a strange whitish substance, similar to this. He wore a vomit, grease, and sweat stained t-shirt that read “hooter inspector”. This is just what I expected a misogynistic and crazed troll to look like.

His eyes darted around, in fear that one of his deplorable associates had followed him and would prevent his perfidious two-faced act. He mumbled something about how he wanted to edit Horseland again and handed the recording off. I nodded my head and told him he was doing the right thing. Just as I said this, Daniel Brandt and a horde of hooligans pulled up, all crammed inside of a Volkswagen mini-bus that looked eerily like the mystery machine. The libelous lawbreaker Brandt and his band of banned blackmailers started hurling water balloons as hard as they could from the minibus, directing their fire at the indictable troll that they caught red-handed. The disgraced troublemaker dove into his El Camino, painstakingly trying to get it into first gear. I, fearing for my own safety, jumped in my vehicle and drove away. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a hideous half-bat half-man creature that I guessed to be Somey. He was aiming a super soaker full of urine at his former stalking and harassment compatriot. Thankfully, I did not stick around for the aftermath, but I guarantee that the traitorous troll was eventually soaked from head to toe in putrid stalker urine.

I got the recording home and listened; what I heard was shameful, sickening, and stupefying. In a meandering and illogical rant, the Wicked Wordb*mb postulates on how the Blessed Virgin and The Good Shepherd made first contact with an alien civilization and authored their reliable sources, original research and attribution policies, which ensures that their POV is pushed on unsuspecting alien races all over the universe. Thekohser belligerently describes how telepathic sheriffs and homosexual assassins (and telepathic homosexuals) had teamed up to write a conflict of interest policy to doom his treacherous "editing for money" idea for good. Somey just growled and frothed at the mouth like the demon he is, and Moulton rambled about parallel universes, Atlantis, and how he used to fight trans-dimensional aliens at MIT.

Now, you too can hear what real trolls sound like.

Listen to their animalistic growling, lunatic ranting, maniacal laughter, and their torture victims screaming for mercy in the background! Wiki violence begets wiki violence and the uploading of this Great Deceit was the first step for Wikipedia to head into full blown Satan worship, where stalkers and trolls are given respect and a pulpit to spread their diseased rants and froth at the mouth as they shout their disgusting desires!

The recording you are about to hear was not tampered with in any way by me, other than editing it down for time. Suggesting that this recording was edited with corny and low quality sounds from bad horror movies will not be tolerated; anyone stating this is a troll per WP:DUCK. You will be asked to refactor.

Listen and peer into the darkened soul of the average Wikipedia Review member.

If you dare.

Defending the wiki and uncovering The Truth,

The Wiki Defender

Please use headphones to listen. The sounds of these macabre monsters could send pets or the elderly into fits of insanity. Be aware that the satanic Somey uses foul language at the end, so listening at work is not advised.




Gregory Kohs said...

Okay, Wiki Defender, maybe you've won this little battle, but you are STILL LOSING THE WAR! Do you know how many Wikipedia faithful we tricked into SUPPORTING us at that Miscellany for Deletion? I'll tell you -- TWENTY-NINE! Only four tough nuts still voted delete, and they're going to be tough nuts to crack... but I do declare, it is going to give me such JOY cracking those last four nuts. I need not even name them here. THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. Okay, I have no soul, so I'll NAME THEM, but I'll use code names, so that they won't have advance warning that I'm coming to get 'em:

Empty Milk Calton
Jay zee Gee
Fill Sand Wifer
The Little Blimmer

They will pay. Eventually. Look at how they even disparage our efforts by labeling it "Miscellany". Would Luther's 95 Theses have been so labeled? The Gettysburg Address? The Ten Commandments?

And, what's the big idea of you not "tagging" me with a label or two at the end of your post? Don't you want Technorati users finding out about me, so that I can tempt them with my voluminous moneybags and blast them with my mind-altering WikiBiz Ray?

Keep trying, Wiki Defender. We're still here. We're still trolling away. You'll have to do better than this, if you want to bring us down. (Though it was an impressive heist, I'll grant you that.)

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to The Kosher, Wiki Defender. His voice is a spell designed to seem wise and reasonable, urging those good folk to subdue themselves and come under his power.

In fact, he is a menace that must be confronted.

The best way to diminish the power of The Kaiser is to ban his words, and even ban all Thoughts of his evil schemes.

The Koster won't anticipate that, and will be defeated. Mark my words.

Ban him. Muffle him. Smother him. Eat him.

Roger and Out

Anonymous said...

Good post Wiki Defender.

I don't know much about Wikipedia Review, but according to Wikipedia's Cardinal, Raul Julia, the participants in the show had previously spent time congregating at a ranch near Death Valley. Plotting sinister schemes.

If that's true, then NO WAY should Wikipedia be using its bandwidth to give them the attention they crave.

Raul also asserted that in one case these trolls had torched a Respected Editor during a ceremony in a huge burning Wicker Man.

I don't want to get into he-said she-said, but these stories concern me. Raul is a known reliable source. And never lies. He never lies. Why would he?

Anonymous said...

Mr Moulton on radio say article of friend is wrong. Does mean he want to write about God clouds and Jesus baby elephant create the Universe?

Mr Moulton and friend are stupid. Should go back to bible belt with backward thoughts. Leave us alone to our test tube and iron lung to make science please Mr. Moulton.

Doctor Science.

Anonymous said...

Before I eat the guy, I'll need a rabbi's determination that he actually is kosher.

Naerii said...

Christ, this drivel really isn't funny. I know the American approach to humour is to ladle it on with a shovel but seriously, I don't think I've ever seen an attempt at satire fail so miserably at being amusing.

And that's if you ignore the fact that no one on Wikipedia really gives a shit about Wikipedia Review. I really wish the posters there that are banned from Wikipedia would get over themselves and quit bitching about the fact that no one at Wikipedia gives a shit.

Anonymous said...

Dear Naerii,

"Christ, this drivel really isn't funny."

And you know funny!!! (Good mooooorning wikipedia!)

"I know the American approach to humour is to ladle it on with a shovel but seriously, I don't think I've ever seen an attempt at satire fail so miserably at being amusing."

I try to imagine you saying this with a nasal, cockney accent. Now, THAT's funny!

Another possibility, which may have escaped your limited cognizance, is that the genetic predisposition which encodes humo(u)r may be have had premature telomerase activity within your RNA structures. Statistically, this is vastly more likely than your hypothesis and Occam's razor and all that rubbish.

"And that's if you ignore the fact that no one on Wikipedia really gives a shit about Wikipedia Review."

WP:BADSITES being a one word answer for your Cleveland Steamer of a comment.

"I really wish the posters there that are banned from Wikipedia would get over themselves and quit bitching about the fact that no one at Wikipedia gives a shit."

And I, sincerely, wish that fatuous, little turds would stop addressing their betters with whiny complaints that nobody gives a shit when they so clearly do given YOUR COMMENTS IN THIS VERY FORUM.

As your excellent Mr Churchill once opined, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

No wait, that was OUR excellent Mr Lincoln.

A couple of quotes from Mr Churchill, "A joke is a very serious thing." and "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."

So there we have it. We're fanatics who aren't serious about our jokes. Guilty as charged.

You however are the steamy leavings of a brace of infected anal piles.

You are the integral of all that is puerile and foul.

You are anathema to reason, humor and genetic viability.

Get ass cancer. Die.

Your friend,

Kamryn said...

Hahaha, now that was funny.

James said...

Wait, you went to a meetup in New Jersey?

private musings said...

you think I care about Wikipedia? No, no my brave friend, my sights are set on the souls of planets, and this is only the beginning....

I don't yet know how you got hold of these tapes, but rest assured I shall root out the mole, and they shall pay!

You are one of the last standing in my way, but have you considered the wealth, decadence, power and riches which could be yours should you bring your undoubted skills over to the dark side...? there's a shuttle leaving soon, and we need another arbonaut to go with the 4 lackeys we already have on the committee.... If you agree quickly I may instruct my Scientologist friends to call off their copyright hounds currently eagerly salivating over owning the WikiDefender Headquarters as damages for releasing that audio........

til next time......

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

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