WMF INFILTRATED BY TROLLS

This just in to The Wiki Defender: Sue Gardner, executive director of the Wikimedia Foundation, is possibly a contracted Wikipedia Reuiner/Wikipedia-watch mole, out to decimate Wikipedia and enslave us as minions to Daniel Brandt.

I know what you are thinking. “This is a serious, world changing revelation, Wiki Defender! Where is your evidence?”

Well friend, take 2 milligrams of Xanax, wait an hour, and feast your eyes upon this diff. I webcited it here, just in case the trolls have also schemed their way into the ranks of oversight.

Most disturbing is that the edit is to the User space of Deputy Director, Erik Möller. What are we to infer from this? Is she daring our darling deputy to come after her, or G-d forbid, is Erik also a paid troll? Are they both in cahoots with Daniel Brandt, plotting day and night on how to demolish our worshipful wiki?

Right now, I want to purchase a one-way plane ticket to San Francisco and lead an anti-cyberstalking revolutionary mob of Concerned Wikipedians into the offices of the Wikimedia Foundation to demand answers. It is taking all the self-control and prescription medications I have to prevent me from doing so. I need your help.

Please alert all Great Wikipatriots of this diabolical plan, mastered by a motley crew of trolls and stalkers! Shout it from the rooftops; forward this breaking news to the various cyberstalking lists we maintain to fight the trolls--tell the Father, The Son, The holy spirit and the Blessed Virgin, so that we may get to the bottom of this highly unsettling development.

What? You think I am over reacting? Well I think you are cyber terrorist troglodyte! In the off chance that you think I am over reacting and you are not a Wikipedia Review ruffian, allow me to explain:

Needless to say, providing links to harassment is detrimental and we must not appear as if we condone these attacks. It is clearly a blockable offense. This is a no brainer. There is never, ever, any reason to link to a vile hate site such as the one Ms. Gardner linked to. It sends a message that users may harass and stalk other users, post libel about them, take them on pleasure trips without their consent, contact their employers to call them off sick from work, feed their dogs Ex-Lax, knock on their doors and run at 11:00PM, and call their sick grandmother at 3:00AM to ask her if she has Prince Albert in a can, so long as they do it off-wiki.

Is that your position, Sue?

Do not sit idly by as the highest ranks of the WMF are infiltrated. Sue Gardner, Wikipedia is not here to make people sad. These are treacherous wiki times that we are wiki living in; even those who appear to be allies are turning out to be possible trolls. Someone please explain this situation to me, so that I can start working on getting butt harp to GA status. Godspeed to you all.

Heavily medicated yet frantic,

The Wiki Defender
*contemplating the fact that my siblings may be on the payroll of Daniel Brandt *

The perversion of public leakers

Kelly Martin (who, in retrospect, does not seem to be redeemed at all) has blogged that a certain deranged and disgruntled demon has had his access to the #admin IRC channel revoked—and for good reason. This unholy monster, bound to serve his masters at Wikipedia Ruiners and Wikipedia-Watch, is a known public leaker.

First, he leaked IRC conversations and emails in an attempt to discredit the great Wikipedian hero, Erik Möller. That post is clearly an attempt to save face for maliciously banning our beacon of light! Many great Wikipedians fought the evil Goliath and in the end, David won. Get over it! Later, he exposed that Jimmy Wales wanted to buy his wife a gold plated washing machine (or something like that, I refuse to read gossip blogs). His passion for public leaking not yet appeased, he outted the Myers-Briggs personality types of Wikimedia staff. What is a lonely INTJ to do, in such a situation? Did that bellyaching malcontent Danny even consider the feelings of the solitary INTJ? I guess he just gets off on exposing others' personality types. How would he like it if we exposed his Astrological sign or his life path number? I assume he would be none too pleased; therefore, he should be unsurprised that he was unceremoniously thrown out of the friendly confines of #wikipedia-en-admins.

With this aberrant public leaker in mind, I am proposing that a policy is adopted for, at least, the English Wikipedia. WP:Ignore all leaks.

If a leak makes you nervous or depressed, assume the person is lying and ignore it.

These perverted public leakers are disrupting the populace, aggravating the leadership, and driving away potential donors. It is of moral importance to The Project to counter these public leakers. We have failed to convince the simple minded that these diabolic bigmouths are the disgruntled and satanic swine that they are. Nevertheless, do not attempt to counter their rancorous, illogical ramblings with astute and analytical observations! Follow the lead of one of our great leaders; respond by turning your back and ignoring.


We must give these gargoyles the cold-shoulder and not communicate with them at all. Do not even read their diseased “leaks”, for it will poison your mind! Reading their irrational words will equate you with these people that get their kicks from leaking in public. What would your mother think if she found out you were leaking in public? I suggest that she would not be happy and it may result in her defriending you on Myspace or refusing to bake you cookies. Won't you miss those neat chain letters she forwards you on myspace? I know I would. Don't you love your mother's fresh baked cookies? Of course you do. If you want to keep on enjoying your mother's chain letters and cookies, then do not support these leakers by leering upon them as they do their leaking.

If, by accident, you are afflicted and taken ill by the spectacle of these leakers leaking, there is one antidote that works well. I admit, I once goggled a leaker. Jimbo assured everyone it was a lie; yet, I was still distraught. After consulting with Wikimedia staff, I was informed that the only way to feel better was to Send Mo’ Money, which I did.

I am happy to report that I am feeling fine ever since. If you have failed at ignoring their disjointed debaucheries and witnessed one of these public leakings, I suggest you simply Donate More Money, as repentance. However, remember that it is your duty as a Good Wikipedian to not acknowledge these leaks or, if possible, know they exist! It is a distraction to our Great Mission.

Oh, by the way, now Danny is conspicuously drawing parallels between Jimmy Wales and the Birdman of Alcatraz. Yes Danny, we know you would love to send our Dear Leader and his lovely beard to Alcatraz, where he would adopt a baby sparrow he found in the exercise yard. Get off it, man! Go to the beach or something; maybe you will de-gruntle yourself…

Yours faithfully,

The Wiki Defender
Defending the Wiki and ignoring all leaks