08 April 2008

106.9 FM KSTLK – All stalk radio, all the stalking time!

It has been a woeful wiki week for our Beloved Wikipedia. My bannings, performed by well-entrenched Wikipedia Review trolls, would have been enough to dishearten many. Adding insult to injury, Privatemusings took it upon himself to start his own stalk radio station, which he used to characterize raving and psychotic trolls as sane, logical, and rational. I am here to break the story that the uploaded podcast is a complete fraud.

This blog post was delayed due to exceptional investigations I have been doing. I think you will appreciate this, and it will be an eye opener into what makes the trolls tick. The podcast uploaded to commons is troll trickery; the recording is highly edited and voices of seemingly sane individuals were dubbed in. However, first allow me to explain neutrally the nauseas circumstances that started this stalk radio station.

The official story is that Privatemusings, a bizarre and perverse platypus partisan, offered the trolls a pulpit to shout their troll memes, smears, and incoherent rants. They accepted, and Wikipedia Review members Somey, Moulton, thekohser, and Wordb*mb showed up with their lascivious and loony rants—all at the encouragement of the troll and stalker enabling Privatemusings. This masturbatory troll exercise was uploaded to Commons and made available on Wikipedia, which caused courageous captains of the Wiki to question the following:

1. Does this violate the blocking policy?
2. Is this proxying for banned users?
3. Did Somey purchase his mic at Troll-Mart or something? Get a new mic, troll!
4. Dear G-d, when will JzG, Phil Sandifer, and an obvious sockpuppet who somehow has OTRS access step in to save us from these schizophrenic swine?
Thank Jimbo that the answer to number four was “not very long”. What can only be described as a formerly-Great-Wikipedian-that-was-probably-ran-off-by-paid-stalkers arrived on the scene to nominate this wiki blasphemy for deletion.

I made my feelings about this very clear, only to have it removed by distasteful and disguised trolls. Bravely speaking up on the matter earned me a ban, but some great heroes kept up the good fight in the face of a numerically superior enemy and argued for its deletion.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, the trolls showed up in force and persuaded a Great Wiki Protector to abandon his or her principles. Big surprise. The real story here is that I have uncovered the actual recording of this stalk radio program; had Decent Wikipedians been able to hear this actual audio, the MfD result would have been much different.

The bunco artist Privatemusings did indeed do an interview with stalkers and trolls, but the audio he uploaded is not genuine. No stalker or troll from Wikipedia Review can speak in complete sentences and not shout four letter words wildly. This flimflammer tossed the original recording and replaced it with a handcrafted propaganda piece, replacing troll voices with the voices of paid actors. I know what you are thinking. “Wiki Defender, how did you know this recording was a blatant bamboozlement?” Well amigo, after years of dealing with paid trolls and stalkers that will break into your house and hide all your underwear just for kicks, I have developed a few gut instincts. Long story short, I knew for a fact that the frivolous and flagrant fiend Privatemusings was pulling a fast one. Luckily, after some investigation and adventure, I have tracked down the actual recording.

I phoned and emailed every under cover agent that we have in the field to track down the original recording. Coming up fruitless, I decided to switch tactics and found a troll that needed a favor—an unbanning. In exchange for a “good word” from me (which is invaluable), this troll promised to fork over the goods and we arranged for a meeting.

We planned to converge at a New Jersey diner. I was a bit nervous, knowing that not only would I have to look a troll in the eye, but I would also have to inhale his reeking troll stench. Nevertheless, I knew it was for the greater good and pressed on. I put my dog, DONGO (named in honor of MONGO), in the backseat of my Volkswagen and started the eight-hour drive, my trusty cluestick beside me for protection (Mind you, I was more than willing to mercilessly whack the crap out of this troll with my savage slaying cluestick, if need be).

I smelled the troll about a mile away before finally arriving at my destination. He stood
next to a beat up El Camino, nervously chain-smoking Chesterfield cigarettes. He had a wild look in his eyes; it was nearly inhuman. His pants were crusted with a strange whitish substance, similar to this. He wore a vomit, grease, and sweat stained t-shirt that read “hooter inspector”. This is just what I expected a misogynistic and crazed troll to look like.

His eyes darted around, in fear that one of his deplorable associates had followed him and would prevent his perfidious two-faced act. He mumbled something about how he wanted to edit Horseland again and handed the recording off. I nodded my head and told him he was doing the right thing. Just as I said this, Daniel Brandt and a horde of hooligans pulled up, all crammed inside of a Volkswagen mini-bus that looked eerily like the mystery machine. The libelous lawbreaker Brandt and his band of banned blackmailers started hurling water balloons as hard as they could from the minibus, directing their fire at the indictable troll that they caught red-handed. The disgraced troublemaker dove into his El Camino, painstakingly trying to get it into first gear. I, fearing for my own safety, jumped in my vehicle and drove away. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a hideous half-bat half-man creature that I guessed to be Somey. He was aiming a super soaker full of urine at his former stalking and harassment compatriot. Thankfully, I did not stick around for the aftermath, but I guarantee that the traitorous troll was eventually soaked from head to toe in putrid stalker urine.

I got the recording home and listened; what I heard was shameful, sickening, and stupefying. In a meandering and illogical rant, the Wicked Wordb*mb postulates on how the Blessed Virgin and The Good Shepherd made first contact with an alien civilization and authored their reliable sources, original research and attribution policies, which ensures that their POV is pushed on unsuspecting alien races all over the universe. Thekohser belligerently describes how telepathic sheriffs and homosexual assassins (and telepathic homosexuals) had teamed up to write a conflict of interest policy to doom his treacherous "editing for money" idea for good. Somey just growled and frothed at the mouth like the demon he is, and Moulton rambled about parallel universes, Atlantis, and how he used to fight trans-dimensional aliens at MIT.

Now, you too can hear what real trolls sound like.

Listen to their animalistic growling, lunatic ranting, maniacal laughter, and their torture victims screaming for mercy in the background! Wiki violence begets wiki violence and the uploading of this Great Deceit was the first step for Wikipedia to head into full blown Satan worship, where stalkers and trolls are given respect and a pulpit to spread their diseased rants and froth at the mouth as they shout their disgusting desires!

The recording you are about to hear was not tampered with in any way by me, other than editing it down for time. Suggesting that this recording was edited with corny and low quality sounds from bad horror movies will not be tolerated; anyone stating this is a troll per WP:DUCK. You will be asked to refactor.

Listen and peer into the darkened soul of the average Wikipedia Review member.

If you dare.

Defending the wiki and uncovering The Truth,

The Wiki Defender

Please use headphones to listen. The sounds of these macabre monsters could send pets or the elderly into fits of insanity. Be aware that the satanic Somey uses foul language at the end, so listening at work is not advised.



27 March 2008

Malignant malcontent Giano still on trolling rampage

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

False positives: Nobody bats .100

Well, I screwed up big time with my last blog post, friends. I received clarification that Sue Gardner was just testing the spam filter and making sure we are sufficiently fortified against trollish influences—an excellent use of her salary, I must admit. Indeed, I salute Sue for knowing the dangers that brave little editors face, as we wiki away in our wiki world.

This leaves me with egg on my face. A role model of mine once said that nobody bats .100. How true that is. For example, Mario Mendoza, after whom the Mendoza line was named, batted .198 in the 1979 season, but not .100. Not even the most seasoned sock/troll dick is expected to reach this unattainable goal. But should we quit, just because it is impossible for us to bat .100? Of course not. Our cause must march on.

However, it is time for you to pick up that fight.

My time here has come to an end. I am being sucked into every trap that these paid trolls lay for me and I may be doing more harm to our cause than good. You may recall that I quit before and came back (so what? A lot of people do that).

I am quitting again.

There is only one thing that can save me now and that is attention: massive amounts of it. Plead with me to keep blogging and foraging on, leaving a virtual blood trail of troll blood in my way has I deliver hard-hitting posts that cut to the quick of cantankerous cockpuppets that invade our Holy Wiki daily. Say things like, “Don’t let the trolls get you down” and “Fuck you Daniel Brandt for running off the best Wikipedia blogger that blogspot has ever seen and may you contract leprosy and lather yourself in honey and dive into an apiary.”

Your disingenuous and hollow pleas to a person you have never met and will never meet is my only hope. Help to keep Wiki Defender wasting his life blogging and make disingenuous pleas for me to stay, and maybe I will.

In other news, The Sloan Foundation has donated 3 million dollars to the Glorious Wikimedia Foundation, which guarantees that children in Africa will be afforded the opportunity to learn about butt harps, mammary intercourse, Cleveland steamers, soggy biscuits, ball locks, and, of course, rusty trombones.

This in mind, I post a celebratory youtube. It is titled “Holy Money” and is performed by Swans.

*note* Some have pointed out that this does not seem to be a celebratory song at all; they feel it is creepy and depressing. Another person suggested that drinking a bottle of cough syrup may correct this feeling, but I neither condone nor suggest you do this.

Farewell fellow Wiki Defenders,

The Wiki Defender

25 March 2008


This just in to The Wiki Defender: Sue Gardner, executive director of the Wikimedia Foundation, is possibly a contracted Wikipedia Reuiner/Wikipedia-watch mole, out to decimate Wikipedia and enslave us as minions to Daniel Brandt.

I know what you are thinking. “This is a serious, world changing revelation, Wiki Defender! Where is your evidence?”

Well friend, take 2 milligrams of Xanax, wait an hour, and feast your eyes upon this diff. I webcited it here, just in case the trolls have also schemed their way into the ranks of oversight.

Most disturbing is that the edit is to the User space of Deputy Director, Erik Möller. What are we to infer from this? Is she daring our darling deputy to come after her, or G-d forbid, is Erik also a paid troll? Are they both in cahoots with Daniel Brandt, plotting day and night on how to demolish our worshipful wiki?

Right now, I want to purchase a one-way plane ticket to San Francisco and lead an anti-cyberstalking revolutionary mob of Concerned Wikipedians into the offices of the Wikimedia Foundation to demand answers. It is taking all the self-control and prescription medications I have to prevent me from doing so. I need your help.

Please alert all Great Wikipatriots of this diabolical plan, mastered by a motley crew of trolls and stalkers! Shout it from the rooftops; forward this breaking news to the various cyberstalking lists we maintain to fight the trolls--tell the Father, The Son, The holy spirit and the Blessed Virgin, so that we may get to the bottom of this highly unsettling development.

What? You think I am over reacting? Well I think you are cyber terrorist troglodyte! In the off chance that you think I am over reacting and you are not a Wikipedia Review ruffian, allow me to explain:

Needless to say, providing links to harassment is detrimental and we must not appear as if we condone these attacks. It is clearly a blockable offense. This is a no brainer. There is never, ever, any reason to link to a vile hate site such as the one Ms. Gardner linked to. It sends a message that users may harass and stalk other users, post libel about them, take them on pleasure trips without their consent, contact their employers to call them off sick from work, feed their dogs Ex-Lax, knock on their doors and run at 11:00PM, and call their sick grandmother at 3:00AM to ask her if she has Prince Albert in a can, so long as they do it off-wiki.

Is that your position, Sue?

Do not sit idly by as the highest ranks of the WMF are infiltrated. Sue Gardner, Wikipedia is not here to make people sad. These are treacherous wiki times that we are wiki living in; even those who appear to be allies are turning out to be possible trolls. Someone please explain this situation to me, so that I can start working on getting butt harp to GA status. Godspeed to you all.

Heavily medicated yet frantic,

The Wiki Defender

*contemplating the fact that my siblings may be on the payroll of Daniel Brandt *

22 March 2008

The perversion of public leakers

Kelly Martin (who, in retrospect, does not seem to be redeemed at all) has blogged that a certain deranged and disgruntled demon has had his access to the #admin IRC channel revoked—and for good reason. This unholy monster, bound to serve his masters at Wikipedia Ruiners and Wikipedia-Watch, is a known public leaker.

First, he leaked IRC conversations and emails in an attempt to discredit the great Wikipedian hero, Erik Möller. That post is clearly an attempt to save face for maliciously banning our beacon of light! Many great Wikipedians fought the evil Goliath and in the end, David won. Get over it! Later, he exposed that Jimmy Wales wanted to buy his wife a gold plated washing machine (or something like that, I refuse to read gossip blogs). His passion for public leaking not yet appeased, he outted the Myers-Briggs personality types of Wikimedia staff. What is a lonely INTJ to do, in such a situation? Did that bellyaching malcontent Danny even consider the feelings of the solitary INTJ? I guess he just gets off on exposing others' personality types. How would he like it if we exposed his Astrological sign or his life path number? I assume he would be none too pleased; therefore, he should be unsurprised that he was unceremoniously thrown out of the friendly confines of #wikipedia-en-admins.

With this aberrant public leaker in mind, I am proposing that a policy is adopted for, at least, the English Wikipedia. WP:Ignore all leaks.

If a leak makes you nervous or depressed, assume the person is lying and ignore it.

These perverted public leakers are disrupting the populace, aggravating the leadership, and driving away potential donors. It is of moral importance to The Project to counter these public leakers. We have failed to convince the simple minded that these diabolic bigmouths are the disgruntled and satanic swine that they are. Nevertheless, do not attempt to counter their rancorous, illogical ramblings with astute and analytical observations! Follow the lead of one of our great leaders; respond by turning your back and ignoring.

We must give these gargoyles the cold-shoulder and not communicate with them at all. Do not
even read their diseased “leaks”, for it will poison your mind! Reading their irrational words will equate you with these people that get their kicks from leaking in public. What would your mother think if she found out you were leaking in public? I suggest that she would not be happy and it may result in her defriending you on Myspace or refusing to bake you cookies. Won't you miss those neat chain letters she forwards you on myspace? I know I would. Don't you love your mother's fresh baked cookies? Of course you do. If you want to keep on enjoying your mother's chain letters and cookies, then do not support these leakers by leering upon them as they do their leaking.

If, by accident, you are afflicted and taken ill by the spectacle of these leakers leaking, there is one antidote that works well. I admit, I once goggled a leaker. Jimbo assured everyone it was a lie; yet, I was still distraught. After consulting with Wikimedia staff, I was informed that the only way to feel better was to Send Mo’ Money, which I did.

I am happy to report that I am feeling fine ever since. If you have failed at ignoring their disjointed debaucheries and witnessed one of these public leakings, I suggest you simply Donate More Money, as repentance. However, remember that it is your duty as a Good Wikipedian to not acknowledge these leaks or, if possible, know they exist! It is a distraction to our Great Mission.

Oh, by the way, now Danny is conspicuously drawing parallels between Jimmy Wales and the Birdman of Alcatraz. Yes Danny, we know you would love to send our Dear Leader and his lovely beard to Alcatraz, where he would adopt a baby sparrow he found in the exercise yard. Get off it, man! Go to the beach or something; maybe you will de-gruntle yourself…

Yours faithfully,

The Wiki Defender
Defending the Wiki and ignoring all leaks

18 March 2008

Kelly Martin redeemed

The trolls tried to run me off the internet for good, but after the vast amounts of support I received, I have reconsidered. There is too much important work to do and Kelly Martin has impressed me very much over the past few days. She is willing to call a spade a spade and point out what these hatemongers actually are...

They are murderous Klansmen.

If you are being called a Klansmen and do not like it, then do not act like a torch wielding racists, out to satisfy their blood lust by executing an innocent man! As I read that eloquent post by Kelly Martin, I was overcome with so much joy and satisfaction that I stood and applauded at my computer screen. My dog, intuitively knowing that another blow has been delivered to the cyber terroists, barked at as I applauded, apparently agreeing with me. The barking disturbed my neighbors, but once I explained to them the beautiful post Ms. Martin had written they understood and suggested I get some sleep, saying I looked a bit stressed out.

I must commend Doc glasgow as well, for he made very many important points all over that thread, including pointing out that banning a person from Wikipedia is equivalent to killing them. Later, a politically correct and troll enabling host, CComMack, expressed his disdain for truth and his alignment with trolls. Now the xenophobic and intolerant mob are trying to satisfy their lethal thirsts and are circling the wagons around these two peerless Wikipedians.

But, all in all, this is very good news. Kelly had worried me recently, for she has fallen for many of the harassment memes that trolls spread, but in one comment, she has redeemed herself in the eyes of the silent majority. Now, we must convince her to disown that abusive and deranged Disgruntled Employee, Danny.

I am glad to see Kelly come back from the dark side, at least momentarily, and am wondering what others think.

All good things must come to an end…

After posting this message of support to Tony Sidaway’s user page, I headed out for a relaxing trip to the organic food store. As soon as I arrived back at my home and looked at my computer in the corner, fear and panic gripped me. There was a hideous stench coming from my email inbox and I knew the smell very well: it was the stink of trolls.

Obviously, these net kooks were now aware of my existence and they conscripted their highly paid private detectives and hacker friends to find my email. I did not anticipate this unintended consequence. The first email I opened, probably written by a paid stalker, said this:

"if this blog is 4 srs then u r a dumbass and if it isnt then ur not funny

First of all, learn to capitalize and use proper words. I am an adult, I act like an adult, and I expect those who email me to speak like adults. Second, who is trying to be funny, jerkface? Yes, this blog is “4 srs”. Oh, and thanks for your blatant personal attack. Must I remind you of two core Wikipedian
policies, WP:NPA and WP:CIV? Make like a plane and take off, troll.

I read my inbox further. Though I received vast amounts of support for standing up against these hatemongers, there were also some hideous threats of violence against my person and my home. One person said that if he (I assume it was a he, most stalkers are men) found out who I was that he would “pull my pants down in public”. A particularly devilish freedom hater mused on the idea of invading my home, saying:


This homicidal door knocking imagery was a little more than I could take. I started shaking uncontrollably and passed out in my computer chair for G-d knows how long. I awoke to my dog licking my face, apparently empathizing with my stalking ordeal. I was still a bit woozy; nevertheless, I was determined to find out where these trolls were learning about my blog.

I knew that they had to learn about it in one of three places: The Wikipedia Ruiners, Wikipedia-Stalk, or Antifreecontent.net. I have all three of these sites blocked so that they are inaccessible from my home, so I had to access them elsewhere. These trolls review their referrer logs daily to find new targets of harassment and I was not about to be found out that easily. This in mind, I frantically loaded up my Volkswagen and put my dog in the back seat and we drove 5 hours away from my home to access a computer at a public library in an undisclosed location.

We arrived at the public library five hours and several bathroom breaks later. I ran inside and dove for a computer. The first site checked, Wikipedia-Stalk, showed its usual debauchery but nothing new. Antifreecontent.net had its disgusting smears against great editors, but nothing about my blog. That left one more site: Wikipedia Ruiners.

And there it was in all its glory--a thread started by none other than that disgusting troll dtobias. Other sociopaths commented and speculated on my identity with reckless abandon. One suggested that I am a fifteen year old and another pondered about what my first sexual experience was like and if I was sexy (it is written in code only decipherable by fellow trolls). Several suggested that this very serious blog was a joke, which is an attempt to try to minimize my serious criticisms and character assassinate me.

By this time, I was shouting at the computer screen, enraged by the gall of these stalkers. Then, the librarian had the nerve to ask me to leave because I was disturbing people. I looked her square in the eye and said “DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE ENABLING THESE TROLLS TO RUN RAMPANT ALL OVER WIKIPEDIA??!?! WHAT ARE YOU A PAID OVERSTOCK EMPLOYEE??” She again told me I was disturbing people, but I was the only one there so I called her a liar. Feeling a conflict arising, I walked towards my car. However, per WP:SPADE, I called her a troll under my breath as I left. She responded by stalking me outside and wrote down my license plate number, which she will no doubt send to Daniel Brandt. Now I know why librarians do not like Wikipedia. They’re all trolls and troll enablers.

I feel as if it will only be moments until my birth certificate, baby foot print and all, will be posted on Wikipedia Review. That will only be the beginning. Then a jilted lover of mine will show up on Wikipedia Review after googling my name and talk to the miscreants about my many sexual proclivities and inadequacies. Perhaps when they are bored with that they will use my social security number to get credit cards and buy odd sexual devices just to embarrass me. And on...And on...And on...

I share this story because I have had numerous health concerns ever since these cyber terrorists started in full force. My stomach churns day and night and I am suffering from a stomach ulcer. My dog and I just got back home from our 10 hour round trip and mental collapse is very probable. I am still agitated about the threat of pants violence and am contemplating whether or not I can handle another aggressive knock and run performed by a MyWikiBiz sockpuppet. At this point, I wonder if this blog is really worth devoting my time to, as I do not want my mental and physical health to suffer.

All great things must come to an end. We have had a great run, friends, and this blog has enlightened many. Keep up the good fight. Please follow our noble leaders Tony Sidaway and JzG, for they know the way, and they will take our Wiki out of the hands of eschatological cyber terrorists from Wikipedia Review. The silent majority stands with them.

The Wikimedia Foundation has left me for dead on the side of the road, bleeding out of every orifice as the cyber terrorists close in on me. Criminally insane scum bags have defeated Wikipedia
and the Wiki Defender. Good luck to you all.

PS: I noticed that Tony accidentally removed my message of support without commenting. That sort of thing happens when you deal with trolls all day long and no one should read very much into that action.