27 March 2008

False positives: Nobody bats .100

Well, I screwed up big time with my last blog post, friends. I received clarification that Sue Gardner was just testing the spam filter and making sure we are sufficiently fortified against trollish influences—an excellent use of her salary, I must admit. Indeed, I salute Sue for knowing the dangers that brave little editors face, as we wiki away in our wiki world.

This leaves me with egg on my face. A role model of mine once said that nobody bats .100. How true that is. For example, Mario Mendoza, after whom the Mendoza line was named, batted .198 in the 1979 season, but not .100. Not even the most seasoned sock/troll dick is expected to reach this unattainable goal. But should we quit, just because it is impossible for us to bat .100? Of course not. Our cause must march on.

However, it is time for you to pick up that fight.

My time here has come to an end. I am being sucked into every trap that these paid trolls lay for me and I may be doing more harm to our cause than good. You may recall that I quit before and came back (so what? A lot of people do that).

I am quitting again.

There is only one thing that can save me now and that is attention: massive amounts of it. Plead with me to keep blogging and foraging on, leaving a virtual blood trail of troll blood in my way has I deliver hard-hitting posts that cut to the quick of cantankerous cockpuppets that invade our Holy Wiki daily. Say things like, “Don’t let the trolls get you down” and “Fuck you Daniel Brandt for running off the best Wikipedia blogger that blogspot has ever seen and may you contract leprosy and lather yourself in honey and dive into an apiary.”

Your disingenuous and hollow pleas to a person you have never met and will never meet is my only hope. Help to keep Wiki Defender wasting his life blogging and make disingenuous pleas for me to stay, and maybe I will.

In other news, The Sloan Foundation has donated 3 million dollars to the Glorious Wikimedia Foundation, which guarantees that children in Africa will be afforded the opportunity to learn about butt harps, mammary intercourse, Cleveland steamers, soggy biscuits, ball locks, and, of course, rusty trombones.

This in mind, I post a celebratory youtube. It is titled “Holy Money” and is performed by Swans.

*note* Some have pointed out that this does not seem to be a celebratory song at all; they feel it is creepy and depressing. Another person suggested that drinking a bottle of cough syrup may correct this feeling, but I neither condone nor suggest you do this.

Farewell fellow Wiki Defenders,

The Wiki Defender


Anonymous said...

Please don't leave us Wikidefender.

I'm sorry, I wont do it again, I am your only friend. I am your only friend.

RDH(Ghost In The Machine) said...

What the Anon said Wiki-D!
You are the best thing to happen to Wikipedia since Stephen Colbert.

Courage brother!